Neither of us came around. I turned 29 and realised I was not being unfair to him by wanting to w…
T=0: The Decision
Five years together. We had moved countries together, adopted a cat together, built a shared life with shared friends and a shared apartment in Amsterdam. He wanted children by 30. I wanted to wait until 35. We both kept assuming the other would eventually come around.
Neither of us came around. I turned 29 and realised I was not being unfair to him by wanting to wait — but I was being unfair to both of us by staying while the disagreement had already been decided. We were both delaying grief at the cost of time neither of us could get back.
Making a decision I can stand behind in 5 years. Not letting the sunk cost of five years dictate the next ten.
3 Months Out
The grief was much worse than I anticipated — and it was not grief for him specifically. It was grief for the version of my future I had built around the relationship. I had not realised how much of my identity was structured around being part of a pair.
“Get a therapist before you end it. You will need someone to process with who is not a mutual friend and does not have a stake in the narrative.”