We chose to stay in Nairobi — my decision, supported by her — rather than relocate to the Netherl…
T=0: The Decision
Together three years. I am Kikuyu-Kenyan. My partner is Dutch-Kenyan (her mother Kenyan, father Dutch). Both families with different but equally sincere concerns. Her Dutch relatives expected she would return to the Netherlands. My family expected I would marry within the community.
We chose to stay in Nairobi — my decision, supported by her — rather than relocate to the Netherlands. The city is where my career is growing most quickly and where I feel most alive. The families would adapt or they would not.
Still in Nairobi, still together, families present.
6 Months Out
The wedding negotiations took four months and involved her Dutch relatives, my Kikuyu family, and a cultural mediator my partner's mother found. Both sides attended. The ceremony was genuinely beautiful and genuinely exhausting. We are glad we did not elope as we had considered.
“Bring in a cultural mediator early if both families have different expectations. They find solutions that neither family would accept from the other directly.”